For the past few years, my life has been a constant struggle. I’m broken beyond repair, but still fight on. I guess you could say that’s a good thing, but I literally have no idea how much more I could handle. I’m exhausted by being like this and am disappointed by who I became. I swore I wouldn’t be like this but I can’t help it. I want to continue on with my life and be happy, but that doesn’t seem feasible at the moment. The thing that angers me the most is that I have several people who earnestly do care for me but I can’t help feeling worthless, dumb, ugly, and fat. No matter what I have done in the past, nothing helps. I tried opening up and talking to others but that only makes me more frustrated because I think that no one TRULY understands what I’m going through. I do cut, and I do starve myself sometimes, and I know it’s wrong and it hurts to do so and I’m a disappointment to my younger self but I can’t help but do so. It’s the only thing that makes me feel like an actual human being — that I can still feel physical pain. I’m exhausted by everything. Just moving my leg slightly right now makes me dizzy and hurts beyond compare. I’m constantly shaking but I just can’t stop. I don’t know how much longer I can go on and would feel so much better if I just didn’t care anymore, but I do care. And that hurts. I can’t even complete the simplest of tasks without messing SOMETHING up. I’ve pushed more people away than I can count and I would feel stupid and like a burden if I dare even BEGIN to explain how I felt to them. I don’t know who to turn to or what to do anymore cause I don’t want to tell others. Even if I do try to explain, they give generic answers and don’t even try to put themselves where I am. It’s always “I know you feel this way but …” I’ve pretended to be happy for such along time, I can’t tell the difference anymore and/or I can’t stop. I do wish I could stop, but it feesl so good to hurt. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be normal for once, stop caring, and just stop feeling all together. That would make my life so much easier. Why me?